Sitting by my heater in our studio apartment, I finally picked up my note book and started to write. Being a lover of writing, I haven't committed to it in quite sometime. Recently I've been very in-tune with the power inside me. I feel that I've re-awaked, vivified. Expressing this and finding it a name is something I have yet to do. Though knowing that I've had it in me all along is a great comfort and a delightful bewilderment. I have changed my mindset in perceiving "regular" moments as fleeting unique gems, we only have so many of them. Days do come though, when my energy levels are low and my heart can grow heavy. Little trials in life can become straining when strung together. There comes times when you just need a good cry.
Times come when you need to hear an old friends voice and be reminded that they still love you.
Even though your life now looks different from years ago, it's reassuring to know that deep bonds still hold. Memories stay the same, and the moon still comes out at night. Crying is good. Feeling is healthy. Growing is essential. Practicing thankfulness is a necessity. Times like these are valuable to our existence, they are in our makeup. Knowing that I am beyond blessed, makes these moments of loneliness and uncertainty less powerful. The moments our days are made of are all different from one another in so many ways, yet very alike in others. They all hold opportunity, raw emotion and choice. Who am I to not take advantage of such a gift?
So I will enjoy the onions that make me cry while preparing dinner with my husband tonight. I will bask in our messy kitchen because I am with him, in the presence of someone who deeply adores me, and I him. I will water my plants in the morning because benefitting other life besides our own feeds our souls and strengthens our spirit. As we are beings who were created by a Creator, instilled in us are qualities that allow us to foster creativity, enhance life, and completely emerge ourselves in joys we were made to experience. So I will enjoy moments when Im able to smile, and I will hold tight and learn from the ones that bring me sadness. I will welcome early mornings when I'm awaked by my cat as she curls up under the covers with me to seek my warmth. I will soak up every second I feel my husbands hand wrap around mine. And I will be confident in the times when I choose the quality action over the popular one. I will invite the long road trips to visit my family, and enjoy the feeling of my own bed when I return home. I will be intentional about my time, and with my thoughts. Creating more space for personal relationship is a challenge I will take, and savoring my husbands kisses in the morning will keep my heart soft.
My upbringing will forever be apart of me. The hard times and the unconditional love shown by my parents are such valuable treasures. I've been given an amazing role in this life as a daughter, granddaughter, sister, wife and friend. So much joy can be found in those pockets of intimacy. I am thankful for the wonderful home of emotion we all are, for the wonderful world of choice we all posses. No matter what kind of tears we produce, whether they are happy, sad, or caused by onions, they are apart of us, apart of our story. They've made us timeless, classic creations that will never become outdated as long as we continue to thrive intentionally and grow persistently.
"We all have two lives. The second one starts when we realize we only have one." - John Hiddleston